A pug of peace

ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) -- Insiders at this week's Mideast summit in Annapolis say the fragile peace process was in danger of collapsing until the arrival of an uninvited guest.

Ayatollah Mugsy, a Texas canine cleric, was credited with restarting the talks and ushering in a new era of hope that the six-decade conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians can be resolved.

The White House sent summit invitations to dozens of countries, but officials at the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries said that Pugistan -- Mugsy's disputed territory in the American Southwest -- was not among them. Some White House aides, speaking on condition of anonymity, said they were appalled by the lack of respect shown toward the ayatollah, leader of the world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry.

"We invited the international dregs of society, but not the glorious nation of Pugistan," said one senior White House staffer. "What's up with that?"

Despite the apparent snub, Ayatollah Mugsy arrived just as the talks appearing to be breaking down, with name-calling and hair-pulling rampant in the summit hall. Observers said the ayatollah calmly righted the ship and began to build a tenuous trust among the disparate parties.

"He said to them, 'The human ways have failed you time and time again,'" said one U.N. observer, who wished to remain anonymous. "Then he led them through some time-honored canine getting-to-know-each-other exercises. Basic stuff, but it really seemed to work."

Ayatollah Mugsy could not be reached for comment.

Catnip madness

I have just read a troubling report, my flock. It seems that human teenagers have been smoking catnip to get high. Although we have always known that teens lagged behind puppies in IQ and maturity, this takes their foolishness to another level entirely. Clearly, too many families are lacking a strong canine role model.

Public service announcement

On this, the busiest shopping day of the year, please do not forget to visit the Pug Life Ministries Gift Shop. While your local mall is filled with annoying carols and pushy, foaming-at-the-mouth shoppers who have been out marauding since 3 a.m., my online shop offers a relaxing environment and the best stocking-stuffer deals on the planet. Go forth and buy, my children.

Winter: Not just a myth

A chill is in the air, my flock. Allah's cold winter wind has finally arrived in Texas. An overzealous reporter at the local newspaper even had the audacity to call it a "white Thanksgiving" after a tiny sprinkling of snow fell yesterday. For the first time in months, I have pulled my thermal winter turban from storage. God willing, it will keep me warm and toasty on the rare occasion when I am not snuggled up with Wendell or one of the humans. "But what of young Wendell?" you ask. "How will the skinny, turbanless pup cope with this arctic blast?" Fear not, my flock. Wendell is well prepared.

A day of thanks

Allah, we kneel before you on this blessed holiday with much to be thankful for. We thank you for the bountiful feast that we will partake in, and for the days upon days of glorious leftovers. We thank you for our friends and family members -- especially our great-grandmother, whose propensity for dropping food on the floor is legendary. May the unsteadiness of her fork grow with each passing day.

We are thankful that the ministry's problems with the IRS have fallen by the wayside; for the first time since the ministry's founding, we are not the subject of an audit or formal inquiry. And we thank you, Dear God, for the compromising photos of Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson that made this turnaround possible.

And finally, Oh Great Creator of the Universe and All Who Reside Within It, Including the Canines You Made in Your Image, we thank you for the congregants who visit this blog. We thank you for those who leave comments, and we thank you for those who lurk silently yet still gain great spiritual knowledge and awareness. And most of all, God, we thank you for those who donate.

Allahu akbar!

Amen.

Hop along now, infidels ...

It was 2 a.m. as we pulled into the garage. The ayatollah clan had just crammed a long weekend in Oklahoma into a little over 24 hours. Mother had gone to a baby shower. My seven-pound brother had begun his courtship of a 60-pound Lab mix named Ginger. And I had stayed busy trying to overthrow Hamas in Gaza while also working to reverse the rising cost of rawhide. As we unloaded the pugmobile, the unmistakable sound of drunken revelry emanated from the dwelling next door. It was unusual -- I can't recall any other such gathering at the neighbors' house -- but it seemed to be nothing to worry about, bad music aside. Then mother nudged me. "Mugsy," she whispered, "what are they doing to my car?"

I turned to find a crowd of intoxicated humans gathered around the driver's-side door of mother's vehicle in the driveway. "Hey!" I barked, "what are you doing?"

One hunched-over human straightened, as best he could in his present state. "I'm drawing a rabbit," he said matter-of-factly.

I have nothing against rabbits or any other small woodland animals, and I am well known as a patron of the arts. But still, I found this explanation to be unacceptable. Call me crazy, but I would prefer that humans keep their grubby paws off my property -- especially at 2 in the morning.

"Get away from my car!" I growled.

The humans scattered like cockroaches under a floodlight. Mother went to check on the car. And in the mist on its window, she found the beginnings of a rabbit drawing.

This incident has left me no choice but to issue a fatwa! I never thought I would have to say this, but it must be clarified so that all will know. Henceforth, it is strictly forbidden under canine Islam to draw a bunny in the window of any car other than your own.

Finely aged rawhide

Today, Wendell and I enjoyed a rare treat. Father went to the rawhide chest and pulled out two pre-chewed bones, probably of the mid-2005 vintage. Like a fine wine, they improve with age. Each chew of the rich, hearty hide conjures up warm memories of a simpler time, a time when I did not have a puppy constantly nipping at my tail. But unlike wine, they are halaal.