BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan -- As thousands of demonstrators gathered in the main square of the Kyrgyz capital Saturday amid sporadic gunfire, U.S. intelligence analysts said this week's uprising in the Central Asian nation bore the signs of outside influence from an enigmatic Texas-based canine cleric.
The pug, known as Ayatollah Mugsy, has long exerted considerable influence in the predominantly Muslim country, which also has a large dog population.
"This uprising has the ayatollah's paw prints all over it," said one U.S. intelligence official, speaking on condition of anonymity.
Citizens in the main square Saturday evening chanted slogans calling for more freedom and greater access to veterinary care and vowels.
Opposition forces were seen carrying dog crates and other supplies Saturday into the presidential palace of President Kurmanbek Bakiyev, who was forced into hiding earlier in the week. And the many episodes of looting in the capital and surrounding areas seemed to wipe out pet aisles while leaving clothing, household products and electronics largely untouched.
"All my rawhide is gone," said Umarov Bishkiyev, a shopkeeper in central Bishkek. "And the dog food, too. All gone."
Meanwhile, at the sprawling Manas Air Base, a key facility for U.S. military operations in Afghanistan, officials were scrambling to identify the crews on a series of unauthorized early-morning cargo flights that departed the country.
"In the dead of night, these three cargo planes landed, loaded up and left -- destination unknown," said Air Force Gen. Adam Hollingshead. "We found our security at the front gate and at the tower incapacitated, apparently knocked out by some kind of sleeping gas. All the surveillance cameras were wiped out. We have no idea who flew those planes or what kind of cargo they carried."
Military investigators said they were analyzing bulldog fur found at the scene.
My brother, Wendell, is barking in his sleep. I suspect he is dreaming about rawhide. But then again, aren't we all?
I am a little concerned about my brother, my flock. It seems that Wendell is filled with adolescent angst. During a recent rawhide-chewing session, he growled at father when he came near. This struck me as odd, because unlike yours truly, father does not have a history of "borrowing" bones. To my knowledge, he has never even known the pleasure of the leathery flesh. The poor, deprived man.
Today, Wendell and I enjoyed a rare treat. Father went to the rawhide chest and pulled out two pre-chewed bones, probably of the mid-2005 vintage. Like a fine wine, they improve with age. Each chew of the rich, hearty hide conjures up warm memories of a simpler time, a time when I did not have a puppy constantly nipping at my tail. But unlike wine, they are halaal.
UNITED NATIONS (AP) -- Investigators with the International Atomic Energy Agency have been stymied in their efforts to look into the alleged disappearance of a large quantity of enriched rawhide, officials say.One high-level investigator, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the situation, said the apparent theft occurred in recent weeks at Pug Life Ministries' secretive compound in Texas. "We hear that something went down at the Pug Life Telethon," the investigator said, referring to a recent fundraiser. "But unless those dogs cooperate, there's nothing the IAEA can do. At present time, we can't even get them to shake hands."Sources inside the ministry, which is led by firebrand cleric Ayatollah Mugsy, refused to comment.The ministry, described by some U.S. officials as a dangerous secessionist canine movement, has refused to cooperate with the U.N. in the past, with its enigmatic leader openly feuding with the IAEA.
I have been pleased with the interest shown in the ministry's poster auction, my flock. The earnings are urgently needed and will be put to good use, as I have recently been forced to order a new batch of smelling salts for the harem. The sight of my ultra-manly chest fur billowing out of my T-shirt has, understandably, caused many a lady to swoon.
I have exciting news, my ebullient flock. After much deliberation, the ministry's one-pug site-selection committee has chosen a location for the Dogloo compound. It is the perfect spot for this architectural wonder-to-be. We will have easy access to a major highway, to accommodate the never-ending throng of pilgrims. And we will be within 40 minutes or so of the region's two major airports. Yes, my flock, our dream now has an address -- on Rawhide Court. Has a name ever fit so perfectly? Now we have only to take care of a few minor details, such as procuring the land and funding construction. A couple hundred homes and a pair of school campuses will have to be razed to make way for the Dogloo compound, and this may arouse a faint protest. But as anyone who has made an omelet knows, this is the price of progress. Are pilgrims likely to trek to a suburban schoolhouse five centuries hence? Of course not; it would probably not be standing by then anyway. Yet the Dogloo compound will stand for millennia upon millennia, an eternal beacon of hope and salvation for Pug Lifers everywhere. My tail wags just thinking about it. Allahu akbar!
