Mugsy weighs in on Obama's speech

This has been a momentous day, my flock. I must say that I was pleased with President Obama's effort to reach out to canine Muslims during his speech in Cairo. But next time, he must bring some Milkbones.

A pug of peace

ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) -- Insiders at this week's Mideast summit in Annapolis say the fragile peace process was in danger of collapsing until the arrival of an uninvited guest.

Ayatollah Mugsy, a Texas canine cleric, was credited with restarting the talks and ushering in a new era of hope that the six-decade conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians can be resolved.

The White House sent summit invitations to dozens of countries, but officials at the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries said that Pugistan -- Mugsy's disputed territory in the American Southwest -- was not among them. Some White House aides, speaking on condition of anonymity, said they were appalled by the lack of respect shown toward the ayatollah, leader of the world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry.

"We invited the international dregs of society, but not the glorious nation of Pugistan," said one senior White House staffer. "What's up with that?"

Despite the apparent snub, Ayatollah Mugsy arrived just as the talks appearing to be breaking down, with name-calling and hair-pulling rampant in the summit hall. Observers said the ayatollah calmly righted the ship and began to build a tenuous trust among the disparate parties.

"He said to them, 'The human ways have failed you time and time again,'" said one U.N. observer, who wished to remain anonymous. "Then he led them through some time-honored canine getting-to-know-each-other exercises. Basic stuff, but it really seemed to work."

Ayatollah Mugsy could not be reached for comment.

Productive weekend

Progress. It is a beautiful word, and one that I believe applies to my weekend with Rabbi Jake. As you know, we have a long-term, mutual interest in bringing peace to the Middle East. It is one of my top personal goals as head of Pug Life Ministries -- perhaps not as high on the list as universal access to rawhide or canine suffrage, but important nonetheless. And this weekend, we put our snouts to the grindstone to try to make it happen. The situation looked bleak. Factional fighting had shattered any semblance of Palestinian unity, and the peace process had long been dormant. But lo and behold, what do we see after an exhausting weekend of talks?

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas has told President Bush that now is the time to resume Mideast peace talks. Not only that, but Abbas said this with great urgency. A sense of urgency that comes only from being leaned on by a strong-arm pug backed by the world's greatest canine military machine, the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF). Allahu Akbar! God willing, a humble pug and a curmudgeonly schnauzer will change the world.

Schnauzer houseguest

I am awaiting the arrival of Rabbi Jake, my longtime friend and the head of the Jewish wing of Pug Life Ministries. Given the rapidly deteriorating situation in the Middle East, we felt it necessary to do whatever we could to promote peace in the region. So we are convening an emergency summit to try to talk some sense into the feuding factions. I am less optimistic now than I was during our last attempt, but we must give it a shot. Otherwise, we will never win a Nobel Peace Prize.

Even if our appeal for peace fails, we can still do some much-needed preparation for the upcoming Pug Life Telethon. Rabbi Jake tells me he knows where we can get a great deal on kazoos.