Showing posts with label infidel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infidel. Show all posts

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Puppy saga resolved

After far too much drama, our furry houseguest has returned home. Mother was out walking the pup, Wendell and me Friday morning when a woman drove up and said, "Hey, that's my dog." Mother was thrilled to find the owner and began to hand the pup to the woman, who then said, "Well, you can keep him if you want ..."

"Earmuffs!" I said, as Wendell covered the puppy's ears with his paws to spare him any further hurt from his infidel mother.

The woman told mother that her young daughter had been looking for the dog and that she'd bring her by our house in an hour to pick up the dog. This seemed rather dubious, since she could have easily taken the dog right then and there. But the woman drove away before mother could say anything. So we returned to the house and waited.

An hour passed, then three, and the woman never showed up. We figured that the poor, innocent pup had been abandoned, so we began to ask around to see if anyone was looking for a new dogchild. Finally, Friday evening, I received a call on my cellphone. The woman was outside the compound and said her daughter wanted to speak to mother. I was working a late night at the mosque, so I gave the woman mother's phone number and told her to call her. "Are you planning to pick up your dog?" I asked. "Well," she said, "we were going to see if your mother wanted him ..."

"We are not looking for another dog," I interrupted. "We already have two in the household, and the competition for rawhide and bedding space is fierce enough. We are just taking care of the dog because he showed up in our bushes looking pitiful."

"Oh," she replied. I could sense the infidelness in her voice.

I later learned from mother that the woman did call, and that mother rushed home to return the dog. Mother reports that the woman's daughter, roughly 12 years old, was thrilled to get her puppy back, so we pray that she, at least, will take good care of the pup. And hopefully she has a better parenting role model than her mother.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Hang 'em high


Behold the sight of Beaver, my flock. He has been identified as the infidel in our midst, and he is suffering the fate reserved for the ministry's worst enemies: the banana hook. Beaver has been hanging from his paddle-like tail since yesterday afternoon. Let the sight of his chipped tooth and his cotton-gaping severed paws serve as a warning to other chew toys who would think to conspire against the ministry! At this very moment, Wendell is "interrogating" the infidel to gain additional intelligence. If Beaver had accomplices, they will not escape justice.

You may think that this punishment is barbaric, my flock, but do not be swayed by the mainstream media or the United Nations' recent resolution to ban banana hooks. Instead, keep in mind that Beaver was engaged in a truly heinous plot. Was he trying to build a radioactive dirty bomb, or overthrow the ministry as the infidel Blue Bull did nearly two years ago? No, but Beaver's actions were no less ghastly. He sought to dehydrate Wendell and me by damming up our water bowls.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Justice is served

Last week, I wrote of a looming threat facing the ministry. I immediately went to work to sniff out the infidel in our midst, leaving no stone unturned. Security was heightened throughout the compound, and Wendell and I stepped up our patrols along the fence line. Over the weekend, I traveled to Oklahoma to meet with the schnauzer Rabbi Jake, peace be upon him. Jake's wise counsel is always valued, and we put in place a plan to flush out this infidel. At this very moment, my security forces are closing in. An arrest is imminent, my flock. The infidel cannot hide; he cannot escape. He can only know the righteous justice of Pug Life Ministries! More details to come ...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Suspicious minds

I suspect that an infidel is in our midst, my flock. The tell-tale signs are all there. I cannot give too much away, because I am setting a trap for the infidel. But Wendell is suspicious, too. I am so proud of him -- his sense of paranoia is developing quite nicely, along with his beard.

More details to come ...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Ministry on alert

Pug Life's intelligence services have reported an increase in negative chatter, leaving me no choice but to raise the collective hackles of the ministry to DEFCON 3. For those who prefer their alerts to be color-coded, this would be somewhere between fuchsia and periwinkle in the Crayola box. At this heightened alert level, you may notice more frequent heavy breathing or panting on the line as you engage in telephone conversations. Pay this no mind; it is for your own protection. Further details to come ...