The hunt for justice

The ministry has recently found itself attacked by "phishermen," criminals who were angling to break into my Facebook account. This forced me to change my password and raise the ministry's collective hackles to DEFCON 3. The incident is reminiscent of the time when another infidel sought to take over the ministry's accounts. Needless to say, it did not end well for him.

The Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) has been out rounding up suspects, and I personally have taken on the task of interrogating an infidel chew toy. He hasn't talked yet, bound by the code of chew-toy Omerta. But I'm expecting his squeaker to loosen up a little when I move on to the next step: slobberboarding.

Ministry on alert

Pug Life's intelligence services have reported an increase in negative chatter, leaving me no choice but to raise the collective hackles of the ministry to DEFCON 3. For those who prefer their alerts to be color-coded, this would be somewhere between fuchsia and periwinkle in the Crayola box. At this heightened alert level, you may notice more frequent heavy breathing or panting on the line as you engage in telephone conversations. Pay this no mind; it is for your own protection. Further details to come ...