An addition to the ayatollah household

It happened in a flash. Father opened the sliding glass door to let Wendell inside, and out of the corner of my eye I spied a tiny creature sprinting alongside my brother. I focused on the uninvited houseguest and saw that it was a gecko, not much more than an inch long. It darted along the baseboard and disappeared behind some furniture. Could it be the son of my long-lost friend Gordon the Gecko? Or perhaps another relative?

After a brief search turned up no sign of the young intruder, I e-mailed mother to inform her of our new roommate. She said that just last night, she had narrowly turned away a young lizard pauper who tried to rush through the front door. It seems that the ailing economy has hit the lizard community especially hard. Homeless and penniless, they are no longer eligible for the subprime mortgages that lenders were once so eager to provide. So now, in addition to leading the world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry, I have established Ayatollah Mugsy's Boarding Home for Wayward Lizard Youths. As always, donations are welcome.

Last chance

History has been made, my flock. The first-ever item offered for sale by the ministry on eBay has been sold. And the buyer, whose user name includes the word "gecko," presents an intriguing case. Could this be my long-lost lizard friend Gordon? Is he reaching out to me? Maybe he is a successful stock broker in New York now, and he wants to give back to the ministry that befriended him and allowed him to stay in its garage. Or perhaps the buyer is simply a human with impeccable taste in interior decorating.

Whatever the case, you should know that only one item remains. And its auction time is fleeting. In less than 24 hours, this rare poster will be sold to the highest bidder. Do not subject yourself to pangs of bitter jealousy, my flock; be that highest bidder.

To visit the lone remaining Pug Life auction, which is currently insanely underpriced, click here.