Assalamu alaikum, my flock. On Tuesday morning, I began a marathon 48-hour tug-of-war session with Wendell. Imagine my surprise when I returned to my blogging station and found that my aide-de-camp Mallard had played an April Fool's joke on the congregation. He even went into my pre-written speech file -- where I keep several dozen texts on hand, just in case -- to make it sound more authentic. But Mallard inserted a couple of changes near the end of the speech that should have made it a dead giveaway to anyone who follows my teachings. First, he wrote of "free and democratic elections." Ha ha ha! That Mallard, such a card ...
Then he named himself as my successor. Now Mallard is wonderful when it comes to dealing with physical stress, and he has the toothmarks to prove it. But mentally, there is simply no way a chew toy could handle this job. Being an ayatollah isn't easy, and Mallard would simply quack under the pressure.
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