Break out the checkbooks

I have a big announcement today, my fellow creations of the intelligent designer that is Allah. This is an opportunity that many of you will not want to pass up. At long last, enrollment has begun for the first annual Ayatollah Mugsy's Youth Indoctrination Camp. This summer camp will take place July 8-15 at and around my Texas compound. Among the activities that await the first 40 lucky children and puppies to sign up:

• Dog-paddle races across Lake Lewisville.
• Archery. Children will learn to shoot an apple off of their fellow campers' heads. Of course, they will all be wearing turbans as part of their camp uniforms for added safety.
• Multiple daily nap times.
• Printmaking.
• Intense religious instruction, with severe penalties for laggards.
• Sumo wrestling.
• Knitting-for-dogs lessons.
• Daily rawhide-chewing sessions, to promote healthy teeth and gums.
• Tug-of-war competitions.
• Hazing.
• Firearms training.

The camp's top performers may be eligible for membership in the prestigious Mugsy Youth. All campers will be expected to memorize the Quran and Mugsy's Manifesto, an 800-page treatise on canine Islam and pug nationalism, in advance. The fee is $550 for human children and $75 for puppies. Enrollment ends March 31, so don't delay. Space is limited. E-mail me or leave a comment for further details.

Ayatollah Mugsy and Pug Life Ministries are not responsible for the safety and welfare of campers. Additional fees for uniforms, food and rawhide apply. All payments are nonrefundable.