Crash course

I have been in heated talks with Condoleezza Rice today. I must soon get back to these talks (I hesitate to call them negotiations, because some issues are simply non-negotiable from a pug perspective.) God willing, I will fill you in later on the details of my visit with Condi. But for now, I will share with you a story from one of the local newspapers. As usual, the news media got it wrong. I spent at least 40 minutes engaged in the "laying on of tongue" ritual.


PUG CREDITED WITH SAVING CRASH VICTIM'S LIFE

DALLAS -- As the ambulance pulled up, it was a chaotic scene. The Honda Civic was badly mangled, its front end crumpled under the weight of an overturned semi-truck.

"I thought, 'There's no way the driver could have survived,'" said emergency medical technician Joey Redd. "It was the worst I've ever seen."

As Redd and fellow EMT Craig Goss approached the crash victim at the side of the Dallas North Tollway, they were stunned to see a small dog feverishly licking his belly button. The pug appeared to be wearing a blue turban, the paramedics said.

"I started to move the dog so that we could gain access to the victim, but then someone yelled for us to wait," said Goss. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was as if the life went right back into the victim's eyes as that little pug was licking him."

Witnesses say that after 15 minutes of nonstop licking, the pug stopped and sat upright. The dog then barked once, prompting the victim to rise to his feet.

"That guy got up and walked to the ambulance. We checked him out, and he was in perfect health," said Redd. "Just a few cuts and bruises. Somehow, that pug healed him."

Police sought to question the pug afterward, but witnesses said the dog vanished into the night. He is believed to be the enigmatic Ayatollah Mugsy, who is thought by followers to possess mystical healing abilities.

Representatives of the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries did not return calls seeking comment.