Friends, I come to you today to announce a momentous career change. I am hereby stepping down as supreme ayatollah of Pug Life Ministries to focus full-time on my pursuit of a professional bowling career. This has been a dream of mine for several weeks, so I hope you will all understand why I have made this difficult decision. It is true that I have a long way to go to realize my dream of competing in -- and winning -- Professional Bowlers Association-sanctioned events. In truth, I have yet to finish a game without those inflatable bumpers blocking the gutters. For a 27-pound pug to roll a 12-pound ball down the lane with any accuracy is no easy task. But I am dedicated, and I have faith. I have overcome much in my life -- being given up by my mother, a puppyhood in the hardscrabble Dallas ghetto, a criminal past, a crippling panty addiction. Each time one of these problems popped up, I knocked it down -- just as I intend to knock down those 10 pins, frame after frame after frame.
For those of you who have grown accustomed to visiting this site to find answers to your problems and fatwas to guide you in your day-to-day life, this may seem like bad news. I apologize for leaving you in a spiritual lurch. Henceforth, this blog will chronicle my attempt to break into the professional bowling circuit. It will include scores, interesting bowling links and perhaps an occasional bowling tip. But for spiritual guidance, you will have to look elsewhere. I hope you will support me as I embark on this exciting new chapter in my life.
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