Bella the bandito

Oh, Sister Bella. Where did you go astray? I cannot bear to write about this. I will instead share this story with you:


CHIHUAHUA, Mexico (Reuters) -- Mexican law enforcement officials convened a special meeting Tuesday aimed at stopping the criminal spree of El Terror Minúsculo.

The Chihuahua, whose Spanish name means "the tiny terror," has led a team of thugs on a two-week rampage through the Mexican countryside. She was last spotted about five miles south of Chihuahua, where she torched a barn Monday and then yapped incessantly for three hours straight.

Federal agents have scoured the region in search of El Terror Minúsculo, but residents have been reluctant to offer any information out of fear that the bandito and her gang would retaliate.

Villagers in Villa Matamoras say that the Chihuahua recently kept them up all night with her horrific yapping.

"It was terrifying," said one woman, who asked to remain anonymous. Her ankles were ringed with bite marks. "It was never-ending. I prayed that God would strike me down, to ease the pain in my ears."

One official with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that El Terror Minúsculo is aligned with a major drug cartel.

"She's ruthless," the official said. "Those teeth are tiny, but they're sharp as a tack."

U.S. officials believe El Terror Minúsculo was formerly a nun with the Order of the Sacred Chihuahua, a division of Pug Life Ministries. Representatives of Pug Life declined to comment, but they confirmed that Sister Bella, the prime suspect in the Mexican marauding, had been excommunicated and forced to leave her convent on Jan. 6.