Beating the heat

Hey, everybody, Wendell here again. It is HOT outside. I was born last August and didn't go outside much my first couple of months, so this is my first real taste of the Texas heat. When it's this hot, a pug's gotta do whatever he can to stay cool. Fortunately, I don't share my big brother's aversion to water. So I've been hittin' the hose pretty frequently.

Ahhhh .... so refreshing.

The humans won't let me come back inside before I dry off, so I try to help them out. Now you're probably wondering how Mugsy beats the heat. Well, he has his own favorite method:

Air conditioning.

Uga: 1998-2008

Like Mugsy, I'm a Sooner pug. But I still recognize that the University of Georgia has one of the coolest mascots around. Sadly, Uga passed away last night. The sixth bulldog to roam the sidelines in Athens, he was the winningest mascot in school history, guiding the football team to an 87-27 record during his tenure. We'll miss you, Uga.

More human tomfoolery

It happened again: Pops sent us outside when he heard the repairman drive up. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson. Last time, the Maytag repairman (yes, those commercials are a total sham) said he couldn't fix the oven. He had to order a part. Order a part! If dad had just let us pugs inside, Mugsy could have fashioned a new part out of stray piles of fur. Seriously, Mugsy can do anything. At least, that's what he tells me. So anyway, the part finally arrived, and out we went. Then, through the glass door, we saw a fireball erupt from the oven. Yeah, it's still not fixed; the human repair guy ordered the wrong part. I'm starting to think Big Brother is on to something with his plans for canine rule.

Anyway, just wanted to fill you all in on the latest at the compound. Mugsy's been doing well after his surgery and will go to have his stitches out next week. He should be back blogging soon. Oh, gotta go; mom just broke out a new pack of rawhide! Peace, out.

xoxo,

Wendell

Outside looking in

Hi, all. Wendell here again. Mugsy and I are out in the back yard -- thank God for wireless Internet. It looks like we may be stuck here till the appliance repairman leaves. Like Mugsy says, how is the guy going to fix our oven properly without us standing two feet away to bark nonstop guidance? I think father's making a big mistake ...

Ugly dogs! Clones! And God arrested!

Hi, everybody. Wendell here. Big Brother told me that I need to keep his blog updated while he's recuperating from surgery, and that's not a duty I take lightly. Even though I occasionally bite him and get on his nerves, I have nothing but respect and admiration for the big fella. Had the ayatollah not taken me under his wing when I first arrived at the compound, my only role models would be our human parents. And nobody wants that. So I'm going to try to make Mugsy proud. Here's a roundup of some news that might interest the congregation:

Congratulations are in order for Gus, who was crowned the world's ugliest dog over the weekend at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in California. Gus has one eye, almost no hair, and he's rockin' three legs. But still, he's kind of cute. Not pug-puppy-cute, mind you, but cute. He's no threat to the dynasty of ugliness that was the late, great three-time champ Sam. Fortunately, there were no scandals in this year's contest like the one in the 2006 competition.

The congregation might also be interested to learn that a California company will give away a free dog cloning to the pet owner who best pleads his or her canine's case for immortality. BioArts International says it will accept submissions for the Golden Clone Giveaway in the form of 500-word essays submitted by 3 p.m. today. The ayatollah has made clear his feelings on the matter, so I strongly discourage you from entering.

Finally, you may have heard that God was arrested on a charge of selling cocaine near a Florida church. Don't worry; Mugsy assures me it's not that God.

Post-op pug

Greetings, my flock. I am recovering from surgery at the ayatollah compound. I went under the knife on Friday to have some spots removed before they turn into something dangerous. In my short time on this orb, I have been through numerous operations. In fact, I now have more stitches and scar tissue than the buffoons on satellite TV's "Cutlery Corner."




But that which does not kill me only makes me hungrier. My appetite is fully restored, and I am rapidly regaining my strength. Last night, I even briefly gave chase to young Wendell, before my parents intervened to settle me down. Although I am doing well, my veterinarian wants me to take it easy for the next week or two. So I will be temporarily turning over my blogging duties to young Wendell. I believe he is ready to take on such a major responsibility, and he should bring a fresh, young perspective to the pulpit. God willing, he will help the ministry capture some of the coveted "tween" demographic.

Naval exercises grow

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Armed Revolutionary Forces ratcheted up its show of naval might early Friday, with dozens of submarines surfacing off the coastlines of each of the world's continents.

Pentagon and independent military analysts alike expressed shock over the immense size of the canine-helmed fleet, which before this week had been thought to consist of just two pugs, a rubber ducky chew toy and an inflatable raft. Even more disturbing, Pentagon officials said, was the growing interspecies cooperation on display.

"Ayatollah Mugsy, the ARF's spiritual leader, seems to have tapped into the zeitgeist of the animal kingdom," said Doug Jones of the RAND Corp., a nonprofit research organization.

Off the Irish coast, Labrador retrievers conducted joint exercises with a pod of dolphins. Witnesses said the dolphins appeared to have missiles mounted on their fins, and analysts suspected they had defected from a top-secret U.S. Navy program because of the ARF's superior food rations.

Half a world away, a clan of barking sea lions set up a naval blockade near the Golden Gate Bridge. The marine mammals, which swore allegiance to Ayatollah Mugsy last fall, were boarding and searching all ships entering and exiting San Francisco Bay.

The ayatollah reportedly set the naval exercises in motion in response to public comments that were deemed a threat to his Pug Life Ministries. "This show of force seems to be having the desired effect," said the RAND Corp.'s Jones. "I suspect that any human would think twice before challenging the ayatollah's authority."