Naval exercises grow

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Armed Revolutionary Forces ratcheted up its show of naval might early Friday, with dozens of submarines surfacing off the coastlines of each of the world's continents.

Pentagon and independent military analysts alike expressed shock over the immense size of the canine-helmed fleet, which before this week had been thought to consist of just two pugs, a rubber ducky chew toy and an inflatable raft. Even more disturbing, Pentagon officials said, was the growing interspecies cooperation on display.

"Ayatollah Mugsy, the ARF's spiritual leader, seems to have tapped into the zeitgeist of the animal kingdom," said Doug Jones of the RAND Corp., a nonprofit research organization.

Off the Irish coast, Labrador retrievers conducted joint exercises with a pod of dolphins. Witnesses said the dolphins appeared to have missiles mounted on their fins, and analysts suspected they had defected from a top-secret U.S. Navy program because of the ARF's superior food rations.

Half a world away, a clan of barking sea lions set up a naval blockade near the Golden Gate Bridge. The marine mammals, which swore allegiance to Ayatollah Mugsy last fall, were boarding and searching all ships entering and exiting San Francisco Bay.

The ayatollah reportedly set the naval exercises in motion in response to public comments that were deemed a threat to his Pug Life Ministries. "This show of force seems to be having the desired effect," said the RAND Corp.'s Jones. "I suspect that any human would think twice before challenging the ayatollah's authority."

Show of force

ABOARD THE HMS GREYHOUND, Gulf of Mexico (AP) -- The world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry flexed its naval muscles Thursday in a massive show of force off the Texas coast.

Members of the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF) naval branch engaged in exercises across a broad swath of the Gulf of Mexico, with upwards of 8,000 seadogs taking part. The ARF is the military wing of Pug Life Ministries, led by the enigmatic Ayatollah Mugsy.

The exercises included artillery bombardment, torpedo targeting and a scuba demonstration by the elite special-operations Chihuahua Force. Details on the Chihuahua Force are sketchy, but its members are rumored to be experts in dog-paddling and underwater demolitions, as well as highly trained assassins.

The show of force is believed to be the result of a heightened alert level at the ministry, whose leader has at times been called insular and paranoid. Officials at Ayatollah Mugsy's office declined to comment.

The U.S. Navy scrambled F/A-18 fighter jets in response to the ARF naval exercises, but Navy officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said they wanted to make sure the situation did not escalate.

"So far, these dogs are just engaging in training exercises," said one high-ranking admiral. "The last thing we want to do is provoke them."