Happy St. Patrick's Day

Hey, everybody! Wendell here. Big Brother Mugsy told me I could wish everybody a happy St. Patrick's Day. This is one of my favorite holidays -- I already added green food coloring to all the water bowls in the house, and I've got my green collar on. I don't think Mugsy understands why I get so into St. Patrick's Day. I tried to explain it to him. I said, "Dude, I'm a party animal! And besides, it's my heritage." And Mugsy said, "What do you mean, your heritage?" And I said, "Mugsy, I'm pretty sure I'm Black Irish."

NCAA Tournament contest

The NCAA Tournament tips off Thursday (the ministry does not formally recognize the silly 64 vs. 65 play-in game), and you know what that means: It is time to enter the annual Pug Life Ministries NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Bracket Challenge "Take On the Ayatollah" Contest™.  Prizes include $10,000 cash, a $5,000 Best Buy gift card and a sacred relic from the ministry's online gift shop. There is no entry fee, and given the unpredictable nature of the tournament, basketball knowledge is strictly optional. It may, in fact, prove to be a hindrance. In past contests, successful strategies have included picking favorite uniform colors, choosing dog-friendly mascots and tossing darts. Do you have what it takes to beat the ayatollah? Probably not. But there's no harm in trying. 

Click here to join the Pug Life Ministries group and fill out your bracket. 

Forget about Salman Rushdie ...

... let's go after the infidel AIG executives instead! 

A chilling encounter with Bella

I stood motionless on the living-room floor, exhausted from my weekend in Oklahoma. The house was my grandparents', and the paws that I felt settle on my lower back were those of Bella the Chihuahua. Recently paroled, the one-time nun in Pug Life Ministries' Catholic wing had been trying to rebuild her life in Oklahoma City. But what happened next shocked me and all others in the room. She began thrusting toward me, as my aunt gasped in horror and my grandmother shrieked in laughter. It seemed that in addition to her frequent bouts with demonic possession, Bella suffers from gender-confusion issues. Again and again, she attempted to mount me. She once even sidled up to young Wendell, but having witnessed the earlier assaults and possessing superior speed, the suspicious Wendell was off in a flash. As Bella made her fourth such advance at me, my security apparatus pulled her away. "Should we lock her up in her cage?" they asked.

"No," I barked. "Bella knows not what she does. And besides, she lacks the necessary ... equipment to do any damage." God willing, I will cure Bella of her many ailments. The fate of the world may well depend on it.

Trip to Granbury

Greetings, my flock. It has been a busy week here at the ministry. I recently went to Granbury, Texas, to officiate a wedding. It was a lovely ceremony, and Granbury was more scenic than I imagined it would be. The town is a couple of hours away from the ayatollah compound, nestled in the rolling hills southwest of Fort Worth. Our hotel was on the shore of Lake Granbury, and the reception was at the neighboring convention center. In between the ceremony and the reception, I ventured to Granbury's old downtown.

Like many Texas county seats founded in the mid-1800s, Granbury has a historic downtown centered on its courthouse square. The area is well-preserved, with many antique shops and restaurants.

We spotted this wonderful old poster in one of the shops. I maintain that the key to good advertising is the presence of at least one canine.

My date and I shared a cup of ice cream in this little parlor off the square.

Among the other downtown attractions are the old opera house ...

... and the historic Nutt House Hotel. That statue in the foreground is of the Confederate general for whom the town is named.

Outside of the historic town center, we spotted this odd pairing. Wendell and I were debating whether this qualifies as a symbiotic relationship.

Back at the ayatollah compound, we were joined by some friends who attended the wedding with us. They brought their young son along, and Wendell seemed fascinated by the pint-sized human. He followed him around for the rest of the day and observed the child's odd rituals, such as banging on pots and pans with plastic utensils and lying down on my doggy pillow to be dragged around the room. "That looks like fun," I told the youngster. "I may have to try that sometime."

Papal visit gone awry

It was a Wednesday much like any other, with one exception: My good friend and business partner Pope Pius Pug was in town. With the economy in turmoil, we had much to discuss. How would the ministry weather this financial storm? Was the bold plan for the Dogloo compound still feasible? And how would we feed the hungry? (Sitting beside our bowls moments after mealtime was getting us nowhere.)

I had just finished making my final preparations for the pope's visit when I entered the living room and spied a terrifying sight. Wendell had Pope Pius Pug pinned beneath his gangly legs and was vigorously licking the pontiff's forehead. "Mother!" I barked. "Wendell has accosted the pope! You must break this up before we spark an international incident!"

My mother rose from the love seat, where she had been reading a book, and separated the two pugs. Wendell took one last big swipe across the pontiff's brow with his tongue as he was pulled away, then he walked to his oversized pillow and awkwardly licked his lips, as if he were struck by an acute case of dry mouth. "Wendell!" mother exclaimed, gasping. "Did you eat the pope's ashes?"

He sheepishly buried his head for a moment before slinking off to the water bowl.

I looked my Catholic counterpart in the eye and shrugged. "Puppies ... whaddya gonna do?"

Krewe of Barkus parade

Hey, everybody. Wendell here. Big Brother Mugsy asked me to post some pictures from the Krewe of Barkus Mardi Gras parade, which we attended a couple of days ago in downtown McKinney, Texas. The parade had a TV theme, with many dogs dressed as characters from old television shows. Mugsy and I just wore our beads from the Dallas parade the night before, as you'll see below.

One cool cowboy. This was mom's favorite photo of the day (excluding her furry kids, of course).


These little fuzzballs rode around in a baby stroller.

Underdog! My second-favorite superhero.

I'm not really sure what this costume was, but it was very festive. And he had a green-and-yellow monkey on his back.

These "I Love Lucy" dogs brought their own TV set.

This little pup stood next to us watching the parade. You can't really tell from the photo, but he was tiny -- probably about four pounds. And he had a very interesting scent

Always good to see a fellow pug.

Mugsy was rockin' the beads. And a nice smile.

Who's this handsome dude? Oh, yeah, it's me. Sorry, ladies. I'm currently seeing a stuffed teddy bear.