Trip to Granbury

Greetings, my flock. It has been a busy week here at the ministry. I recently went to Granbury, Texas, to officiate a wedding. It was a lovely ceremony, and Granbury was more scenic than I imagined it would be. The town is a couple of hours away from the ayatollah compound, nestled in the rolling hills southwest of Fort Worth. Our hotel was on the shore of Lake Granbury, and the reception was at the neighboring convention center. In between the ceremony and the reception, I ventured to Granbury's old downtown.

Like many Texas county seats founded in the mid-1800s, Granbury has a historic downtown centered on its courthouse square. The area is well-preserved, with many antique shops and restaurants.

We spotted this wonderful old poster in one of the shops. I maintain that the key to good advertising is the presence of at least one canine.

My date and I shared a cup of ice cream in this little parlor off the square.

Among the other downtown attractions are the old opera house ...

... and the historic Nutt House Hotel. That statue in the foreground is of the Confederate general for whom the town is named.

Outside of the historic town center, we spotted this odd pairing. Wendell and I were debating whether this qualifies as a symbiotic relationship.

Back at the ayatollah compound, we were joined by some friends who attended the wedding with us. They brought their young son along, and Wendell seemed fascinated by the pint-sized human. He followed him around for the rest of the day and observed the child's odd rituals, such as banging on pots and pans with plastic utensils and lying down on my doggy pillow to be dragged around the room. "That looks like fun," I told the youngster. "I may have to try that sometime."

A visit with Rabbi Jake

I have returned to my Texas compound after a sojourn in Oklahoma. While there, I met with the esteemed Rabbi Jake to discuss ways to raise money for the ministry in this down economy. He suggested that I remind last-minute holiday shoppers about the ministry's online gift shop, which can be found here. Our products are made of only the finest materials and are designed to hold up well in any locale, including shantytowns and soup kitchen lines. So spend with confidence, my flock.

While I met with Rabbi Jake in Norman -- home of new Heisman Trophy winner Sam Bradford, peace be upon him -- my parents drove to Tulsa to attend the birthday party of a 1-year-old. This was their second baby birthday party in less than a month, so clearly their social lives are on the upswing. But once again, they chose not to take Wendell and me along, thus depriving us of an opportunity to take advantage of the baby's messy cake-eating habits.

The blessing of the newborn

The miracle of birth. It is a blessing, as we all know. For without it, there would be no puppies.

Some friends of the ayatollah family had their first child this week, and mother has gone to visit the newly minted human, who happens to be the brother of the alluring Shelby. God willing, he will grow up to be my friend and put in a good word for me so that she might finally see fit to join my harem.

I am told that the new baby -- we will call him Mortimer -- is doing well, despite his early arrival. I am also told that his parents are pleased with him and feel no shame over their small litter size. This is good; for we should all be accepting of Allah's plan.

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "When any human being is born, Satan pinches the body with his two fingers," thus causing the child to cry. This gives us our first clue that Satan is, among other things, not fit to be a babysitter. Fortunately for young Mortimer, he is born with access to ayatollah-approved bibs that offer a measure of protection against the evils of the world. And against spilled apple sauce. May his cries be few, and may he know every happiness.