Over the last week or so, I have noticed many stories in the news media about humans chaining themselves to doghouses. The movement seems to have taken hold from coast to coast. The motive: to protest the tethering of dogs. This strikes me as a worthy endeavour. While I can see instances when chaining a canine in the yard would be acceptable -- when you want to do some gardening in the front yard and need the aid of a dog's green paw, for instance -- it is generally to be frowned upon. Allah blessed us with four legs so that we might roam and claim new territory, and being chained up is counter-productive to His intentions.
Many of the humans taking part in these protests made a point of letting their canines run free while they were shackled, and this is a move I whole-heartedly applaud. These humans will find the transition to canine rule under the coming Pugistani theocracy to be much easier than their less-forward-thinking brethren.
The competition is fierce in the canine beard and moustache contest, but that isn't the only news of the day. Jackson, the contest's organizer, has informed me that the humans in charge of the original World Beard & Moustache Championships want to display images of the canine contestants at their event on Sept. 1 in Brighton, England. This will be an excellent opportunity to expand the ministry's reach while also showing the humans what a real beard looks like.
On Saturday, I welcomed a new canine to the congregation. My uncle adopted Bruce, a Lab puppy, from a shelter in Carrollton and stopped by to introduce him to me. "Ayatollah," he said, "I want Bruce to learn from you how to be a 'good dog.' Can you take him under your wing and mentor him?"
"Yes, my human child," I replied. "I will work with your large-pawed pup. For a small fee."
After receiving a biscuit in payment, I took Bruce out in the back yard to get a baseline of his skills. He possessed excellent athleticism and keen ball-fetching ability. He was a fast runner, but not as fast as yours truly. Yes, my flock -- despite this graying beard, the ayatollah can still tuck tail and fly.
Bruce's drinking form -- splashing much of the water out of his bowl -- differed from mine. But it proved effective all the same. Once the humans began to feast on their lunch, Bruce and I made our way inside. The pup displayed food-seeking techniques beyond his years, using his height to full advantage and nearly making off with slices of pizza on multiple occasions. It was apparent that with practice and a slightly refined technique, he could become a true begging prodigy.
Finally, it was time for Bruce to go. His parents had a date with PetSmart and one of those cages the humans like to euphemistically call "crates." I took young Bruce aside. "You are off to a fine start, my canine protege," I barked. "When next we meet, I will introduce you to rawhide."
I was patrolling the back yard, making sure no infidels had intruded upon my lush carpet of weeds interspersed with grass. The fence line marks my domain, and a good ayatollah must be ever-vigilant about re-asserting his territorial claims. Who knows what that scissor-tail flycatcher is up to -- is he just passing through, or are his motives more sinister? Either way, a gruff bark will send him fluttering on his way. As I sniffed the perimeter, a loud thunderclap raised my hackles. I felt a cool drop on my back, and then another. Then came the deluge. Before I could even scratch the door to make it magically open, my fur was drenched. My tail, heavy with the accursed rainwater, sank almost to the concrete.Allah, we converse daily. Couldn't you have given me some warning?
I finally got around to posting some photos from Prague on my travel blog. Click here if you'd like to take a look.
Progress. It is a beautiful word, and one that I believe applies to my weekend with Rabbi Jake. As you know, we have a long-term, mutual interest in bringing peace to the Middle East. It is one of my top personal goals as head of Pug Life Ministries -- perhaps not as high on the list as universal access to rawhide or canine suffrage, but important nonetheless. And this weekend, we put our snouts to the grindstone to try to make it happen. The situation looked bleak. Factional fighting had shattered any semblance of Palestinian unity, and the peace process had long been dormant. But lo and behold, what do we see after an exhausting weekend of talks?
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas has told President Bush that now is the time to resume Mideast peace talks. Not only that, but Abbas said this with great urgency. A sense of urgency that comes only from being leaned on by a strong-arm pug backed by the world's greatest canine military machine, the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF). Allahu Akbar! God willing, a humble pug and a curmudgeonly schnauzer will change the world.
Over the last week or so, I have noticed many stories in the news media about humans chaining themselves to doghouses. The movement seems to have taken hold from coast to coast. The motive: to protest the tethering of dogs. This strikes me as a worthy endeavour. While I can see instances when chaining a canine in the yard would be acceptable -- when you want to do some gardening in the front yard and need the aid of a dog's green paw, for instance -- it is generally to be frowned upon. Allah blessed us with four legs so that we might roam and claim new territory, and being chained up is counter-productive to His intentions. 
