I never welch on a bet

I am a pug of my word, my flock. And today, it is time to pay up. As you know, I made a wager with my good friend and business associate Pugham Young for the season-opening football game pitting our favorite teams against each other. Pugham, leader of Pug Life Ministries' Mormon wing, won the bet when his BYU Cougars defeated my Sooners. Had the Sooners won, I would have received from Pugham a coveted set of "magical underwear." But I lost the wager, and now I must pay the price. As requested by Pugham, I have posed for a humiliating photo and must now post it for all the world to see. So here it is:

As you can see, Pugham appears to be unaware of my long history of panty addiction. He seems to think that I wanted the Mormon garments to wear, not to chew on for a special after-dinner snack. It is probably just as well.

Mugsy condemns commercial

As longtime readers of my teachings well know, I am a distinguished afficionado of undergarments. But I can no longer condone a certain television advertisement for Hanes. Why, oh mighty Allah, would Michael Jordan give Cuba Gooding Jr. underwear? And why would the actor then scream across the room, "I'm wearing your underwear!"? This is the greatest basketball player of his generation, an athlete whom my father once drove 12 hours one-way to watch in a playoff game. Are we expected to believe that he doles out undergarments to B-list actors? No! No, I say! The absurdity of it boggles the mind. So I am left with no choice. I hereby issue a fatwa! This ridiculous commercial must never be allowed to air again.

Anyone violating this binding religious decree will suffer loss of undergarments, among other harsh penalties.