DALLAS (AP) -- Police clashed with demonstrators Tuesday in a second straight day of violent protests against the Subway sandwich chain.
Protesters said they were angry over a slight against their supreme ayatollah, Mugsy, the mysterious founder of Pug Life Ministries. "Our imam must be treated with the utmost respect, always," said Robert Barnes, an Oak Cliff dentist. "We demand an apology, and perhaps a free sandwich."
Police Lt. Horace Jebs said the demonstrators in downtown Dallas first chanted anti-Subway slogans and burned an effigy of corporate spokesman Jared Fogle. "But we had to move in and break it up when they tried to ignite a massive pair of jeans," Jebs said. "That could have taken out a whole city block."
In need of a quick bite to eat, I stopped by the neighborhood Subway and ordered a turkey sandwich. The cashier, distracted by a conversation with the sandwich-makers, asked the woman in front of me what kind of sandwich she had. "Ham," came the reply. Then the query came to me. "Turkey," I said. After some more chatting with her colleagues, she asked again, "What kind of sandwich did you order?"
"Turkey."
She gave me the price, and I pulled a $10 bill from my turban to pay. "He ordered ham," said one of the sandwich-makers, in the voice of a tattling grade-schooler. The cashier shot an accusatory look my way. "What kind of sandwich did you order?" she said. "What did I just tell you?" I barked. "Turkey." And with that I grabbed my change and left.
Keep annoying your customers in this manner, Subway, and I will be forced to declare jihad on that insufferable Jared.
DALLAS (AP) -- Police clashed with demonstrators Tuesday in a second straight day of violent protests against the Subway sandwich chain. 