The old gang

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was once a gang-banger. I ran with Mara Salvatrucha, also known as MS-13. It was only after I was betrayed (and forced to suffer the humiliation of wearing a cone around my neck while I recovered from my wounds) that I left MS-13. My old gang made big news this week, with 660 members arrested in five countries. Officials say it's only the first step toward their goal of eradicating the gang within the next 18 months. Since my affiliation is now with Allah, not MS-13, I can say that this was a truly impressive operation. One would imagine that the authorities must have had an awfully in-the-know informant to deal such a damaging blow to such a dangerous gang. I would advise all of those MS-13 members who have been fortunate enough to escape this week with their freedom to give up this destructive lifestyle. Follow the path of righteousness that God has laid before us. And consider donating your ill-gotten gains to a worthy cause, perhaps a certain canine-centric ministry.

In unrelated news, the federal government has dropped all criminal charges against me and against Pug Life Ministries. I maintained all along that the charges were baseless, and now Pug Life has been vindicated. Allahu Akbar!