National emergency

You might want to sit down if you aren't already seated. I have some bad news to share. You see, my refrigerator is broken. Last night, I noticed that it was making odd noises. This morning, the kitchen floor was soaking wet. Everything in the freezer was melting or thawing. It would all have to be thrown away. "Leggo my Eggo, you cruel thawing grip!" I exclaimed with horror. But the waffles were gone, as was the glorious frozen chicken. The ice cream, too, was lost forever, leaving its milky residue on the hard tile floor. Naturally, I helped clean this up. In times of need, we must all pitch in -- even high-ranking ayatollahs.

Because of this national emergency, I have raised the Pug Life alert level to Red, or "really expensive." I don't even want to think about what effect this will have on my standoff with the International Atomic Energy Agency.