Phelps spanks the competition, and Bush ... um ...

Hi, everybody. Wendell here with your Olympics update. Michael Phelps is the big story so far, winning a record 11th gold medal. And he's not done yet. Can he finish the sweep and grab eight gold medals in these Summer Games? Only time will tell -- but I hear there's some tough competition ahead. The small Pugistani delegation has yet to have its first competitor, but when we do, watch out. Oh, and Mugsy told me to fill you in on all the big news out of Beijing, but .. I don't know what President Bush was up to. You'll have to write your own caption for this one.

And the first gold medal goes to ...

Hey, everybody. Wendell here. Big Brother Mugsy asked me to keep an eye on the Olympics and post all the major stories here, so for the duration of the Games, I'll be reporting to you from Beijing. The first gold medal has already been awarded -- to a human. Katerina Emmons (above) from the Czech Republic won the 10-meter air rifle competition. The Pugistani delegation thought the Olympic Games were just for actual sports and not children's toys, so we didn't have an athlete in this event. That's OK, though. Soon enough, we'll get in on the action. Although Emmons captured the gold, the biggest story out of this event came when the gold-medal favorite, American Ralphie Parker, shot his eye out. Get well soon, kid.

Abundant excess

Even if I were allowed to crawl into my sizable food bin (and don't think I haven't tried), I could not possibly be more bloated than the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

Let the Games begin

The Quran warns us against being prideful, my flock. And so today is a difficult day for me. As the Summer Olympics open in the ancestral homeland of the Chinese pug, I cannot help but feel proud of the first-ever Pugistani delegation to the Games. Reaching this point has not been easy. There was political intrigue, as rival nations tried to exclude our canine brothers from the competition. And there were allegations of performance-enhancing drugs. The tension in the air at yesterday's IOC meeting was so thick that you could cut it with a knife -- much like the actual, soot-filled air of Beijing. But I made my final appeal, and the Olympic committee voted to grant the Pugistani delegation full access. Allahu akbar! God willing, our collars will soon be weighted down with gold medals.

Garage sale: Packing it in

Another infidel driveby! We can take no more, my flock. We are dragging our five items of actual value back into the garage. Any who drive by for the rest of the day will find a driveway full of free items. Please, take it. Take it all ...

This has been Ayatollah Mugsy, bringing you a historic live blogging event. Until next time, you stay classy, Pugistan.

Garage sale: The blue suitcase

Nearly every woman who stops takes a look at our little blue suitcase box, which can be had for the low, low price of only $1. But they all put it down and move along. I blame the weak economy and depleted value of the dollar. Garage sales, it seems, are the silent victims of this recession. If only we could truck our goods to Canada to take advantage of the strong loonie ...

Garage sale: Great success!

A kindly old woman took pity on us and purchased $7 worth of fine merchandise. This will go straight to the Dogloo mosque fund. Only $999,999,993 to go.