It may be the devil's work ...

... but have a look at this nifty optical illusion anyway.

Up and running

It appears that Blogger.com is working once again. Unfortunately, problems with this Web site prevented me from posting details of the Pug Life Ministries Million-Dollar Giveaway on Tuesday. The deadline to enter the sweepstakes passed at noon today (Central time), and it appears that I have received no entries. But if you remain pious and continue your dogged support of Pug Life Ministries, perhaps you will have better luck next year.

My 75-child sweatshop has turned out its latest design for our new online gift shop (which is having a Father's Day sale today). For any baffled blue-staters out there, this new design is based on the official state bumper sticker of Texas.

Click here to view the children's handiwork.

My life: The showdown

Previous installments of this autobiographical series are available in the right-hand rail, under the heading "Mugsy's Biography."

Chapter XV
Word spread around the pound that the Chew Toy Mafia had issued an ultimatum. As I walked to breakfast, all eyes were on me. Would I give in to Hedgie's demands? Do you really have to ask? I wasn't about to surrender my hard-earned rawhide. The deadline came and went, and nothing happened. Sure, the CTMs gave me some menacing stares. But days passed, and they did nothing. Life seemed to be getting back to normal, or at least as normal as it could be behind bars. But I suppose I should have known that Hedgie wouldn't simply let it slide.




1. I had just finished pumping iron in the rec room, giving my "guns" a nice workout. I was about to head back to my cell when Hedgie appeared before me.
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2. I could see the rage in his beady little eyes. He was taunting me with his stare. This could only end one way.
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3. It was on! I leapt forward, my legs flailing as I locked onto my target. He rushed forward to engage me in combat.
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4. In one swift and savage motion, I clamped down on the back of Hedgie's head. My adrenaline was coursing through my veins. I was going to do whatever it took to defend my rawhide stash.
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5. I twisted, tightening my grip on his neck. Hedgie's fearsome reputation wasn't doing him much good now.
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6. I worked my way around his body, my jaws clenching. He kicked at me in a last-gasp attempt to escape. I grabbed his leg and began to gnaw.

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7. Finally, I dropped his limp body to the rec-room floor. I spat out his front leg and swallowed the tiny cotton fibers that clung to my razor-sharp teeth. One of Hedgie's underlings frantically ran to his side. "Somebody get a medic!" he cried.

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8. Does anybody else want a piece of me? I didn't think so.
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The moral of today's story: Stand up for yourself, and don't ever let anyone bully you -- especially when the bully is a 10th your size.

To be continued

All things are possible

I recently spotted a car with a Hawaii license plate near my North Texas compound. That must have been some road trip.

Lazy Sunday

There are times when an ayatollah just needs to unwind and leave behind the pressures of leading the world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry. Today was one of those times. My day so far:

1:30 p.m.: Got out of bed; stretched slowly
1:35 p.m.: Ate breakfast
1:35:30 p.m.: Took a nap
1:45 p.m.: Nap briefly interrupted for a belly rub
1:55 p.m.: Woke up and scratched on the back door
1:56 p.m.: Lounged in the sun, adding to the uneven tan on my stomach
2:10 p.m.: Came inside to watch parents leave for lunch; didn't bother barking
2:13 p.m.: Took a nap
3:10 p.m.: Parents return, spoiling dream of pug world domination
3:38: p.m.: Parents go to the mall; I get back to that dream

Mugsy issues fatwa

I come before you today to address a most egregious offense. The basic laws of civilized climate control have been violated far too many times. Too many dogs have panted; too many drops of human sweat have been needlessly shed. I have been left with no choice but to issue a fatwa! When the temperature outside is above 90 degrees, it is absolutely forbidden for any building to have its heater turned on. If you work in an office that engages in such misery-inducing tactics, you are fully within your rights to take up pitchforks and demand the air conditioning that God intended for you to have. I realize I may sound a bit hot under the collar, but such climatic transgressions must not be tolerated.

Why my tail is wagging

My friends, I am very excited today. The Pug Life Ministries Gift Shop has been remodeled and now features a wide range of products featuring a stunning portrait of yours truly. This portrait was created by Kevin McCormick, the artist behind the popular ObeyThePureBreed.com site and an ally of Pug Life. It was not easy to sit still while Kevin worked on this masterpiece, but the finished product -- and the Milkbone dog biscuit that he held up the entire time -- made it all worthwhile.

Even if I do not sell a single product (not my preference, mind you), I will treasure this design always. It has captured my authoritarian charm, my worldly wisdom, my ultra-virile beard. The Dogloo Mosque, long a dream of mine, is featured in the foreground. And with the bone dropping in the background, the portrait shows my long-standing desire to spread the joys of rawhide the world over. Universal access to rawhide is one of the pillars of the Pugistan movement.

I invite you all to visit the gift shop and have a look at the high-quality stationery, clothing, posters and other products available. In addition to the Ayatollah Mugsy goods, the store includes my new design featuring that most existential of questions: Got Rawhide?

CLICK HERE to embark on your shopping journey at the Pug Life Ministries Gift Shop. Tell your friends; tell a stranger. God willing, we will outsell Old Navy and The Gap combined.

ABOUT THE ARTIST: Kevin is a longtime supporter of the pug-rights movement and the world's leading purveyor of canine propaganda. His powerful designs provide a rallying cry for dogs of all breeds. After you spend this week's paycheck at the Pug Life Ministries Gift Shop, I urge you to visit his site and spend next week's paycheck (that is what credit cards are for). His online store can be found at ObeyThePureBreed.com.