A peaceful, easy feeling

It was a nice, relaxing day at the ayatollah compound. I chewed a little rawhide, wrestled my friend Mallard, and did some research for a scholarly article I'm writing on whether Greenies are halaal. But mostly, I just slept, savoring the silence. There is nothing like curling up on my favorite blanket and catching some snore-filled Z's. Why was I able to enjoy such sublime household tranquility, you ask? Because my parents found tickets to the Tool concert at SMU.

I can cotton to this

Today, I joined the elite few who can say they’ve played in the Cotton Bowl. There were no cheerleaders, no fans in the stands to marvel at my athletic exploits. But I played my heart out. And as the saying goes, I left it all on the field. Although the Oklahoma Sooners will own that storied turf in October, it received the Mark of the Ayatollah on this day. In several places.

A good crowd turned out for the Dog Bowl, in which the Cotton Bowl was transformed into a 70,000-seat dog park. I sniffed canines of all breeds, including a fetching little pug lass in a pink collar. She was a bit young, so I gave her my business card and told her to call me in a few weeks. Because of a nonspecific security threat, I traveled incognito, leaving my turban at home. I tucked my beard into my collar so as not to draw a crowd. That’s me in the lower left of the photo montage. That big fellow on the lower right was able to snag a hat from someone’s back pocket. Unfortunately, my mother retrieved the hat and returned it to its human owner. I will have to have a talk with her about that. Her knee-jerk decision to side with the human in this matter was rather troubling.

A fiesta for the prisoner

Never let it be said that I am not a compassionate pug. I have decided to let Bella out of captivity for six hours tonight so that she can celebrate Cinco de Mayo. She will be wearing a tracking device at all times and will be escorted by a crack team of ARF guards. Still, you might want to stay home tonight with your doors locked unless it is absolutely necessary to venture out.

Tooling around

My father is driving me crazy. He has been playing the new Tool CD nonstop since its release Tuesday morning. Don't get me wrong; it is an excellent album. But a pug's got to rest. I need at least 16 hours of sleep a day. I have been trying desperately to find him some tickets for the band's sold-out show on Monday in Dallas. I think that may be my only hope of getting a few hours of peace and quiet around here. If anyone has a spare ticket or two that they'd like to donate to the ministry or sell for a reasonable price, please let me know. You would earn my eternal gratitude and a guaranteed spot in Heaven.

Final offer

After tallying your votes, I have made our final offer to Ibrahim Wata, the African banker who has given us the opportunity of a lifetime. We must pray that he will not be turned off by our rawhide demands. But if he is, fortune may be smiling upon us. I have received nearly a dozen similar offers since my first reply to Mr. Wata. Here are the most recent e-mails in our ongoing conversation:


Dear Ayatollah Mugsy,
Thanks for your last mail. I have heard all what you said, But mind you that you most keep this transaction as a top secret until the fund get into your account, as you know that we are the bank official here in this bank, we don't want my bank to know that i am involved in this transaction. So i will be waiting to hear from you then.

Best regards

Mr.Ibrahim Wata.


Greetings, Mr. Wata,
It is not my intention to introduce an atom of negative into our conversation, but I must act on behalf of my congregation. The members of Pug Life Ministries have voted, and they feel that to make this a fair transaction, it is imperative that you send us 500 pounds of rawhide. And not just one massive 500-pound bone; it must be in pieces that we can get our teeth around. The congregation feels that this is a fair deal, given the inherent riskiness of dealing with Internet shysters. Write me back urgently if this is acceptable so that we can exchange shipping details. Once the rawhide has been weighed and distributed to the congregation, we will move on to the financial stage of our dealings. May Allah watch over this transaction.
Sincerely,
Mugsy
Supreme Ayatollah
Pug Life Ministries

A note to Dallas-area Pug Lifers

The Cotton Bowl, the famed football stadium where OU and Texas meet each October in a battle of good vs. evil, has gone to the dogs. Its storied field will become a free dog park from 1 to 5 p.m. Sunday. You can find details at this site. For some inexplicable reason, mimes will be present. I am hoping to attend, so maybe I will see you there.

Making progress

Our bizarre good luck continues, my faithful flock. I have heard back from Ibrahim Wata, our African banker friend. Although he did not directly agree to my Milkbone demand, I will take his continued correspondence as a sign that he is still interested. What a unique opportunity we have. Who else has had the good fortune of being approached in such a manner by an e-mailing stranger from Burkina Faso offering such a golden opportunity? Clearly, Allah is smiling upon the ministry. I will keep you posted on this matter. Below you will find our latest e-mail exchange:

Dear Ayatollah Mugsy,

Thanks for your last mail. I have made this transaction clearly to you that this is 100% risk free and there is no atom of negative on both side.

As regards to your question, your account using for the transaction is where you shall receive the fund, so be rest assured that nothing will happen to your account, If you are not asured of what am telling you, you can open a new account for the transaction, just to tell you that this is risk free. So send me yous banking details so that we shall proceed.

Best regards

Mr.Ibrahim Wata.
+226-7647-1708.


Mr. Wata,
I feel much more comfortable now that you have assured me that there is no atom of negative. Please allow me a few days to bring this matter before my congregation for a vote. I expect that I will get back to you by the end of the week with my financial information, provided you consent to the Milkbone request in my previous e-mail. Will you be needing my Social Security number, as well?
Sincerely,
Mugsy
Supreme Ayatollah
Pug Life Ministries