Disgraceful behavior

What is this world coming to when a Muppet will speak this way to children? Clearly, Pug Life Ministries is needed now more than ever.

Odds and ends

Greetings, loyal Pug Lifers. Over the last couple of days, I have begun work on a great architectural project. It is not of the same magnitude as the Dogloo compound, but I believe you will find it impressive nonetheless. Like the Dogloo compound, this structure is religious in nature. If all goes as planned (and this is not a certainty, given the complex nature of this project), I will share a photo of the awe-inspiring finished product with you soon. If not, we will never speak of this again.

During my last visit to Rabbi Jake's synagogue, I had my first experience with a doggy door. Jake came and went as he pleased, displaying a sense of freedom that at first appealed to me greatly. But that flap of plastic made me uneasy. With his long snout, Rabbi Jake was easily able to push the doggy door open. I, on the other hand, have a nearly concave snout. I felt that if I were to walk through the doggy door in the same manner as Rabbi Jake, my sensitive eyeballs might hit the plastic first. And that would not be good. So I called on my human servants to hold the doggy door open for me. This technology holds promise, I believe. But it needs further refinement. I suggest the humans model the next generation of doggy doors after those automatic doors at PetSmart.

This week in 1959, Rawhide, starring Clint Eastwood, premiered on CBS. Millions of intrigued canines tuned in, only to be sorely disappointed when all they saw was a bunch of humans in cowboy hats.

Keep that CO2 coming

I spent a good chunk of Saturday afternoon basking in the sun and meditating. After soaking up the rays in my back yard for awhile, I went to the local dog park. While there, I ministered to a few needy canines and did my best to keep the soil pH levels in proper balance. But mostly, I just enjoyed the 82-degree early-January heat that Allah has bestowed on North Texas. Honestly, I don't understand all the paw-wringing over global warming. Embrace it, my children.

Remember me when you're famous

I thought this story might be of interest to the congregation, given all of the smart and talented canines who stop by. A German woman has set up a fame academy for pets, where talented animals get a chance to sing, dance and play musical instruments. Using positive reinforcement, teacher Viviane Theby of the Wittlich Fame Academy has already trained her dog to dance and taught a cat to play the piano. And then there's that xylophone-playing chicken.

Is there no justice in this world?

Re: Pat Robertson
I know I've brought this up before, but I am once again reminded of my righteous indignation. How is it, exactly, that this classless buffoon has a TV show and I don't?

Boycott Austria!

We must increase the pressure on the anti-dog regime in Vienna. Though I gave them every opportunity to do the right thing, the Austrians have left me no choice but to launch a boycott. By harnessing the economic power of the Pug Nation, we will bring this fourth member of the Axis of Evil to its knees. For the duration of the boycott, Vienna sausage shall be known as freedom sausage.

An outrage

Recent events in Austria have really gotten my hackles up. A new law in Vienna requires the city's dog caretakers to purchase liability insurance for their canines born after Jan. 1. According to the Associated Press, policies must have minimum coverage of $864,000. The Austrians say the policies are meant to pay for legal, medical or other costs arising from any damage or injury caused by the dogs. Those caught without insurance could be forced to pay fines of more than $4,000.

It appears that prejudice is still alive and well in the country that produced Adolf Hitler. (And not in that humorous, Mel Brooksian way.) This policy could only be intended to limit the dog population by deterring humans from adopting canines. Honestly now, what is a bigger public menace: a pug or a European teenager? I didn't see any bulldogs or Jack Russell terriers torching cars in the Paris suburbs a few months ago. And yet there is no push to require liability insurance for the parents of European teenagers. This sinister law must be overturned. The vast majority of dogs are loving, peaceful creatures. For now.

In an unrelated story, a pack of angry Chihuahuas was accused of attacking a California police officer who was escorting a teenager home after a traffic stop. Police say the officer suffered minor injuries, primarily bites to his ankles.